oh boo hoo
I miss you. I have been sad lately and lonely. I think about you and I took your notes out the other day since I had been unpacking and I read them. You were such a great person, but furthermore you made me feel like there was not a thing wrong with me; that the only thing wrong with me was that I was convinced everything was wrong with me.
I will honestly never meet anyone ever again like you and that makes me sad. Everyday I wonder what the hell is wrong with me, why I am so lonely. I wonder if other guys like you exist. I wonder if I will ever find someone to settle down with. I wonder what my sisters have that I don’t have. I wonder why I am so unlovable. I wonder why I am so broken and I have no idea how to fix myself.
I just don’t want to be alone anymore.
White Rock Station Night Shoot
White rock station, originally uploaded by Christina Lam Photography.
Went out to White Rock Station at two in the morning. I don’t suggest this unless you are with someone, someone that is male that is.
I haven’t went shooting in a while. I feel like my skills are rather stagnant and that I will never progress so long as I never have creative inclinations to go out and shoot. What is semi-inspiring is meeting people that glow with the same enthusiasm I did when I first discovered that I really liked photography. It reminds me of how I felt and it always helps when they ask for a few pointers because it allows you to revisit the same feelings you once had before.
I know everyone gets in a rut. I have creative ruts.
A few good pictures came out of that night, check out my flickr if you get a hankering to do so.
I will retract my kudos now please
If someone had come across my photos, myspace or my blog and commented on my photography or something they had liked, I imagine I would reply with a very enthusiastic THANK YOU! It baffles me and almost upsets me that when a compliment is given to an artist that hasn’t quite made it big yet, that they would dismiss it in such a way as someone like, say, Metallica would dismiss fan mail. I had wrote someone that is a local texas musician, I thought she had an amazing voice with equally amazing lyrics. I know this follows the - better to give than receive but dammot, I want to receive my thanks that means a lot to me.
Instead I will promote someone else I have been listening to a lot. Not a local Texas artist but beautiful nonetheless. Jose Gonzalez doing a cover of “Heartbeats” by The Knife.
I actually like his song on his myspace page “How Low” but I could not find a link for that one.
Enjoy!
Xtina & Miss Friday Bday PARTY!!!!
Xtina & Miss Friday Bday, originally uploaded by Christina Lam Photography.
I am so freaking excited. I haven’t been this excited since I threw the party for myself at the Bowling Alley. I think that was my 24th bday because I was single and I had a blast. My 25th and 26th were very easily forgotten if not next to miserable.
BUT turning the BIG 27. Well I will probably throw another huge party for my 30th because I am almost certain I will still be single.
I am so stoked. I have my friends Hans and Sean playing at my party. Melissa decided to steal part of my thunder and combine her party with mine - I LOVE IT. She’s the one on the right with the large tah-tahs.
I am moving to my new place this weekend. I will take pictures once the electricity comes on hah.
EVERYONE COME OUT TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY ON SATURDAY THE 16TH AT FALLOUT LOUNGE!
Girls night with sangria
The other night we had an impromptu girls night with homemade Sangria, chips, homemade salsa and some other bad food and dessert. I have yet to post those pictures. This is Melly and Lenora showing us their awesome dance moves. They didn’t know I was taping till later. That’s me laughing. I sound like an obese middle aged woman laughing. I hate it. I was told in the past its infectious, but what they meant to say is, its obnoxious. The two words sound pretty similar.
Singularity, the cure for neurosis
What is it about boys that makes otherwise sane girls…insane? It has ruined it for the best of us. We have had our composure crumble right before our eyes leaving us blinking in shock wondering what happened to our 21st century new-found womanhood way of thinking? Individualistic thoughts of being able to care for oneself and not needing the man, but choosing to have one.
Sometimes its hard to shake who we are. Human. I strongly believe that once roles, sexes, guards are striped down we find that we generally all want the same thing. Perhaps the problem isn’t that men and women are different, but our timings are off. Who doesn’t want to have companionship? Someone to complain to when your boss is riding you about a project, or who doesn’t want someone to snuggle up to come rainy Friday night and its movie night? Sure there are varying degrees of and wants and desires, but we are human. Even animals prefer to be part of groups/packs.
Our strengths lie within our stubbornness to refuse to be governed by our emotions. I refuse to give into my natural urges and desires when it comes to what I want for myself and how I tend to behave.
Being female, its quite difficult to keep your sanity while playing it cool. It eventually gets to you and sometimes the little girl in us gives way and we punish ourselves for being “girly”. Because I suppose being “girly” means having emotions.
I have purposefully pushed away people that I feel might have the powers to evoke these emotions in me. I will ruin relationships because I would rather be known as the difficult, bitchy girlfriend, than the emotionally needy, lonely girl.
I wonder if men really have it more difficult than women in these situations. Men are known to be nonchalant, play it cool, reserved emotions, intriguing, mysterious and secretive. The ones that choose to forgo the male role generally get shat upon by women that are more interested in men that pretend to hate them. (I hate this about us but it’s true)
I feel that it happens to both male and females. Once you actively aggressively pursue the one you are interested in and you make apparent efforts in your desires for them, it seems to make them less interested in you. Once again I am willing to sacrifice a potential connection because my ego is just not ready. It will never be ready and I will never be ready to take a true emotional blow. I will lose myself.
We are all running around, pretending not to have emotions or desires, pretending that we enjoy being alone when really sometimes we do want a warm body to curl up beside. We are so afraid of how we may appear to one another that we go through these habits and suppress our natural emotions. We are so afraid of being vulnerable and we are definitely too afraid to ever trust another person with our hearts.
Picture of Wednesday on wednesday!!
Teehee I know the title is lame. I have been caring for my friends two cats the last month or two months now. It hasn’t been that bad considering how I am allergic to them. This is Wednesday the female, sooo pretty. I finally decided to take some pictures since last week will be the last week they will be in my care. “The Todd” which is the male cat was camera shy but I’ll get him. I will actually miss them.
123 four
I appreciate it when people notice my ability to have the most random conversations motivated by the most random thoughts that come into my head and my inability to streamline them and know when the best time to blurt them out at.
With that in mind….don’t you hate it when people eat pickles in the movie theater? I mean, I can handle the smell of relish and onions and cheese and whatever else on a hotdog, and the smell of buttery popcorn but pickles?
The other day I was driving home, I saw this SUV with a water bottle, and a sippy cup sitting on the edge of the bumper on the lower right hand side. I could NOT take my eyes off of this. I was completely mesmerized, I missed my turn. I could not believe the staying power of the half empty AND the sippy cup! I almost thought that it was a joke to play with our minds, she really had Velcro attached to the bottom or some other such rig in order to make them stay. I never did find out what happened to them.
Which brings me to this morning…when I saw this old lady pulling out of her parking spot with a freakin hamper sitting on her hood. I know.. I just KNOW she saw it. IT’S ON HER HOOD. So I didn’t say anything but I wanted to follow her too! Dang responsibilities.
How do you feel about a woman lying about her age. Furthermore how do you feel about meeting someone and then you find out they lied about their age? I am getting so many people who think I am not old enough to drink!! Score. I have not had one person yet in the past three months to guess that I am actually over 25. I am wanting to lure hot young man meat with my youthful appearance. Hey you don’t need to remind me that we are 1) in an establishment that serves alcohol 2) those establishments tend to have low light settings 3) I don’t dress my age.
Who dresses their age? There isn’t a handbook around. So what, I like sneakers. I like saying sneakers. I was sort of kidding about the man meat. I would actually like to find something in the middle. Man Meat + Stable older dude. Does that work? Can you get an older stable dude to have an equivalent personality to that of a 23-25 year old dude without them being complete douchey losers? Am i making any sense?!!?
Fyi - Fridays are slow at work.
OH! Now I remember why I was wanting to write a post. I was on flickr today looking at all my contacts new photos etc. I have contacts from all around the world as well as local. It’s..interesting that there’s a possibility that a million people from everywhere are reading about what you have been doing, seeing pictures of your new cat, seeing tears in your wifes eyes after she just gave birth to your child..its eerie AND wonderful. It made me think about the millionsfive people that read my blog. Two of which are family members and the other three are paid. They will know EVERYTHING about me. It actually kinda replaces phone calls and emails and checking in to see how one is doing. Maybe blogs and the whole flickr, capture a picture a day phenomenon has actually created a separation. I am cheese
I’ve got a meat baby in muh belly
Yesterday, my girlfriends (+ 1 dude) ventured to Texas De Brazil (Cedar Springs locale) and stuffed our pretty little faces (yes I said pretty AND little) with pounds and pounds of juicy, perfectly cooked steak.
Oh my my my if you never been here. We stuffed our faces with Filet Mignon, peppered steak, juicy sausage, top sirloin, lamb, and parmesan chicken, cheesy parmesan, and not to mention the rest I am leaving out. I definitely try to save room for the meat only (most expensive part of any meal) but I had to have me some garlic mashed potatoes, Brazilian Cheese Bread and the sweet oooh so sweet bananas.
Cozy environment - check
All you can eat perfectly cooked steak - check
Being able to command a fleet of distinguished Gouchos to your table with a flip of a card - check
50% off coupon - check
I recommend checking out their website and signing up on their mailing list so you can get coupons for special occasions and just whenever they are feeling generous.
Seriously now. Hot guys serving us meat on skewers for as long as we choose. What a great idea!
Thristy?
alexstraw, originally uploaded by Christina Lam Photography.
Visited with the fam over the Holiday Weekend. My camera skills are lacking. I don’t have the motivation anymore to take pictures. And even when I do, I definitely don’t have any motivation to tweak or spruce them up. The last couple of concerts I went to I just ignored tweaking any of them and just loaded them straight onto flickr from my camera.
What’s happening to me? I used to be able to take 100 pictures and at least 20 would come out stellar. The ratio is getting smaller.
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