Girls night with sangria
The other night we had an impromptu girls night with homemade Sangria, chips, homemade salsa and some other bad food and dessert. I have yet to post those pictures. This is Melly and Lenora showing us their awesome dance moves. They didn’t know I was taping till later. That’s me laughing. I sound like an obese middle aged woman laughing. I hate it. I was told in the past its infectious, but what they meant to say is, its obnoxious. The two words sound pretty similar.
Singularity, the cure for neurosis
What is it about boys that makes otherwise sane girls…insane? It has ruined it for the best of us. We have had our composure crumble right before our eyes leaving us blinking in shock wondering what happened to our 21st century new-found womanhood way of thinking? Individualistic thoughts of being able to care for oneself and not needing the man, but choosing to have one.
Sometimes its hard to shake who we are. Human. I strongly believe that once roles, sexes, guards are striped down we find that we generally all want the same thing. Perhaps the problem isn’t that men and women are different, but our timings are off. Who doesn’t want to have companionship? Someone to complain to when your boss is riding you about a project, or who doesn’t want someone to snuggle up to come rainy Friday night and its movie night? Sure there are varying degrees of and wants and desires, but we are human. Even animals prefer to be part of groups/packs.
Our strengths lie within our stubbornness to refuse to be governed by our emotions. I refuse to give into my natural urges and desires when it comes to what I want for myself and how I tend to behave.
Being female, its quite difficult to keep your sanity while playing it cool. It eventually gets to you and sometimes the little girl in us gives way and we punish ourselves for being “girly”. Because I suppose being “girly” means having emotions.
I have purposefully pushed away people that I feel might have the powers to evoke these emotions in me. I will ruin relationships because I would rather be known as the difficult, bitchy girlfriend, than the emotionally needy, lonely girl.
I wonder if men really have it more difficult than women in these situations. Men are known to be nonchalant, play it cool, reserved emotions, intriguing, mysterious and secretive. The ones that choose to forgo the male role generally get shat upon by women that are more interested in men that pretend to hate them. (I hate this about us but it’s true)
I feel that it happens to both male and females. Once you actively aggressively pursue the one you are interested in and you make apparent efforts in your desires for them, it seems to make them less interested in you. Once again I am willing to sacrifice a potential connection because my ego is just not ready. It will never be ready and I will never be ready to take a true emotional blow. I will lose myself.
We are all running around, pretending not to have emotions or desires, pretending that we enjoy being alone when really sometimes we do want a warm body to curl up beside. We are so afraid of how we may appear to one another that we go through these habits and suppress our natural emotions. We are so afraid of being vulnerable and we are definitely too afraid to ever trust another person with our hearts.
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