waiting…
to appear.
Would be nice when I finally stop waiting and live. Would be nice to stop wanting and just appreciate.
Maybe I have been okay. I just don’t know what its supposed to feel like.
lightshiningroad
lightshiningroad, originally uploaded by Christina Lam Photography.
On my way to work..I had a few thoughts. I always have thoughts but at this time I was driving. To work.
One day I truly believe that the roads I travel often…will finally take me to a new destination. The scenery has to change someday. I don’t feel like I need to change paths, I don’t feel like I need to detour, I just know that one day…I will be somewhere I had never been before.
It makes me nervous, it makes me scared. We all have been hurt before, its something that you can try your hardest to avoid. I know I do.
But maybe its just knowing that you always come out just okay. Maybe knowing that will make you less fearful of your discoveries.
It’s exciting to get to learn something new about yourself everyday.
Oh to be scared and excited at the same time.
Bday clip from my bday dinner
Not everyday you run into great people and then be friends with them. It’s not everyday that all your friends love your other friends. I am a really lucky person.
I had one of the best birthdays that I have had and I was turning 27!
We went out to this tex mexi place called Mia’s off of Lemmon. Food was good but what was soooo awesome was all the people that showed up and the presents I got.
I had the best time. I have all my pictures posted on Myspace and Facebook from all the partying if anyone is interested.
Thanks everyone for all the birthday hugs, kisses, wishes, presents, dinners, cheers. I appreciate each and everyone of you and I am really lucky to have you guys in my life!
You make things better.
Weeeee
Photographs and brightly colored paper
Maybe I should look into myself more often. Maybe I don’t like weak people, or emotional people because maybe I haven’t accepted those traits to be of my own…not yet.
It upsets me to a degree, that I am not there yet. I get quite impatient with my shortcomings and sometimes I dismiss them altogether as to not address them.
I think the lesson I am being taught unconsciously is to be. Whether its nice, or mean, or evil, or bitchy, or funny, or crying, or in love.. to just be it. Because that is more real than anything else. I am scared though and I am trying so hard to hold onto something that probably just isn’t even there. I am going about it all wrong. It has nothing to do with the things I say, if I say something with a cute smirk or if we both point out coincidences. I think he wants me to look into my mirror and feel nothing but complete happiness and contentment. I know I will get there and it will require a lot of growth. I even feel that it’s not even about pretending to be confident or appearing confident. I think it’s okay to be insecure, it’s okay to not like your nose or your short temper. The key being that it’s perfectly ok. No one is expecting or requiring or asking anyone to be free of shortcomings, what is being hoped for me ( I can only assume ) is that I embrace it and enjoy it and make it my own and not be afraid to show people everything that is me, even if its not the norm, even if others may perceive it as a weak, or crazy, or irrational but to not excuse all things that are me.
NO MORE EXCUSES. For my instability. hah.
http://www.myspace.com/joshuaradin
Now everyone is out there touching my stucco wall
For the most part, I generally don’t do “favorites”. I might have a lucky number, or a favorite color for the time, or album, or food. But many don’t fall into my favorite movie category, mainly because I have a horrendous memory and the things I should remember, I don’t.
I hope to remember this movie.
If not, I am okay watching it again. I also hate watching movies more than once generally unless many years have passed.
This one is fantastic, its beautiful. The characters were not overly in your face. They weren’t trying so hard to convince you, or force you to feel one way or the other. I felt so emotional watching this movie, even listening to the music brings me back to the emotions I felt when I was watching it. You ended up loving each and everyone in the movie and you wanted to only the best for everyone. There were such powerful scenes, frame by frame each shot was done beautifully. I loved it. I really did/do. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did and I hope you get something out of it.
This song below is greatness.
Falling…failing…flailing
Is a lot like a roller-coaster ride. At least in my mind.
I feel that sometimes, the beginning of relationships to me (and I am not specifically only speaking of romantic relationships) just any pairing that would create a potential for someone to get to know me. It gives me a sometimes unbearable apprehension and I feel nothing but insecurities, nervousness and panic attacks. It’s like sitting on top of a roller-coaster, waiting for it to drop, so your heart anticipates the drop, maybe it will come, maybe it won’t, but its there. I never feel like it WON’T fall. So I wait, that’s what I do in my relationships, I wait for them to tire of me and then I wait for my heart to drop.
What is wrong with me. Do not suggest therapy. I hate it and I’ve tried it and I am very well capable of identifying why I have certain reactions or behaviors to certain situations or feelings. I know I have to make amends and I know my issues lay deep within my family and how I felt I was raised or how I perceived that I was raised. You have to be ready, you have to be at a point in your life where when you say what you want to say or how you are feeling that you are completely unaffected by ones reaction or response to that. I am not there yet. I feel like I would break again if I do not get the response I am expecting. And that is another bit to it. No expectations.
IT support for dummies
I think as a general rule of thumb, three basic computer courses should be a REQUIREMENT in all school curriculums. AND, I propose a mandated required class for those persons not in school but work with computers.
Particularly, the topics I would like addressed is, the location of the power button on a PC Tower. That would be a fantastic start!
Seeing as how we are knee deep in the wonderful wireless age, I also recommend topics discussing how to work with wireless devices. Oh it wouldn’t be a bad idea either to have people run down a list of things they should do before calling their IT support team. Oh I don’t know like calling their ISP to first confirm that the internet isn’t down in their area?
I am so frustrated. What other opportunity options does one have? Specfically for a person that cannot absolutely stand talking to the most ignorant and inept people of the world. Serving tables is out, my dental job is out, IT support is definitely out. Why could I have just been born with bigger tits and lower morale. I would be making a lot of money, off of stupid people of course, but all I would have to do is dance and shake my tits, I wouldn’t have to explain to someone how to reboot their machine. A conversation which shouldnt last more than three seconds and somehow it does.
I have had the most frustrating few days here. At least with this profession I don’t have people arguing that they know more than me, they are quite aware that they are mentally incapable of figuring out how these wonderful machines work.
And I suppose I am thankful that the majority of calls that come in require a reboot of the system and things are back up and running again, or just replacing batteries on a mouse.
NEWS TO THOSE COMPUTER ILLITERATE FOLKS, you would have to be smart or really really really fucking stupid to really screw up a computer. Do not be afraid to unplug, reboot, restart, shut down. Do not be afraid to touch your computer if it goes black or blue screen. You can’t break it as easily as you think you can. My position is, you would have to go to a site that warns you of virus downloads, click on the download, run the exe file in order to really eff your computer up.
Oh man today sucks.
broccoli cuts or broccoli nubs?
Who ever thought of packaged frozen broccoli is a genuis.
Why?
Because they package what they consider to be “broccoli cuts” in one bag for a reasonable price, OR you can get the florets only for more.
I propose they change the name from broccoli cuts to broccoli nubs. That’s what they are. Measely rejected broccoli stems, PROBABLY related to their more expensive family member of florets.
I did however, get a tiny floret teaser. It’s taunting me, telling me I should have spent just a dollar or two more and I could be biting into some delicious florets instead of stabbing away at these damn nubs
pfffft
What does it mean when I make a scrunchy smelly face whenever I see pictures of babies and married people.
Am I bitter? Is this the face of a jaded bitter 27 year old. Whenever someone tells me they are engaged or pregnant, I think in my head, oh man that’s terrible, what are you going to do?!?!
Secretly, I can honestly say. I don’t like kids. I know though I would like my own.
As far as marriage, the thought of finding someone that could possibly tolerate me for 5 years (I aim high) makes me laugh and I doubt that would happen.
I feel like Samanta from Sex and the City. But the other day my girlfriends told me I am Miranda, the reason? Because I am a bitch.
I thought it was because I looked like a bitter dyke, who sleeps with bartenders.
COME CELEBRATE WITH US!!!!
Hey it’s this Saturday. I have given everyone plenty of time to cancel all their other plans.
So come.
After party will be at my new place at the Corner of Live Oak and Skillman after the bar closes. So prepare by getting beer or liquor beforehand.
Call or email me for details.
Heionaurora@gmail.com
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