Photographs and brightly colored paper
Maybe I should look into myself more often. Maybe I don’t like weak people, or emotional people because maybe I haven’t accepted those traits to be of my own…not yet.
It upsets me to a degree, that I am not there yet. I get quite impatient with my shortcomings and sometimes I dismiss them altogether as to not address them.
I think the lesson I am being taught unconsciously is to be. Whether its nice, or mean, or evil, or bitchy, or funny, or crying, or in love.. to just be it. Because that is more real than anything else. I am scared though and I am trying so hard to hold onto something that probably just isn’t even there. I am going about it all wrong. It has nothing to do with the things I say, if I say something with a cute smirk or if we both point out coincidences. I think he wants me to look into my mirror and feel nothing but complete happiness and contentment. I know I will get there and it will require a lot of growth. I even feel that it’s not even about pretending to be confident or appearing confident. I think it’s okay to be insecure, it’s okay to not like your nose or your short temper. The key being that it’s perfectly ok. No one is expecting or requiring or asking anyone to be free of shortcomings, what is being hoped for me ( I can only assume ) is that I embrace it and enjoy it and make it my own and not be afraid to show people everything that is me, even if its not the norm, even if others may perceive it as a weak, or crazy, or irrational but to not excuse all things that are me.
NO MORE EXCUSES. For my instability. hah.
http://www.myspace.com/joshuaradin
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